Torsten Ebsen


39 Years, hamburg

“When I look at my life, I am happy.
Happy because it is so wonderfully normal. And that
is not a matter of course.”

Published: May 2022

A completely normal life.

I am aware that there are still many problems in the world and that we are far from reaching our goal. Many generations have already fought and many generations will still have to fight for it.

When I look at my life, I am happy. Happy because it is so wonderfully normal. And that is not a matter of course. I feel I’ve arrived and want to look positively at how far we’ve already come.

I have been living with my partner for 17 years, in 2011 we established our civil partnership and in 2018 we finally got married. Each of these events was a celebration with many friends and with the whole family.

In all this time and even before that, I did not have to experience any discrimination (at least not consciously) and no obstacles were put in my or our way.

There were never any problems getting an apartment. At no workplace did I ever have to discuss my sexual orientation or even hide it.Family and friends have always accepted my life model and never questioned it, rather supported it. There are other queer family members and happy children in their relationships. The circle of friends is mixed (various nationalities, sexual orientation, HIV-positive/negative, men and women) and together we enjoy life. Whether at home, in bars, restaurants, at events, on vacation and whatever else, we openly and visibly participate in life in society.  And the best part is, most of the time I don’t even waste a thought on whether we might not be “normal”. It just doesn’t matter as long as we are doing well and feel comfortable and safe.

My most beautiful experience, which reflects all this, is the acquisition of our wonderful allotment garden. The day we introduced ourselves to the allotment board, we simply received the Nordic dry comment:

“Are you brothers, friends or a couple? Oh never mind, we already have all constellations here. Welcome to the club.”

It’s just a normal life in the best, most positive sense.

I wish that at some point we would no longer have to worry about who we are, what we do and where we come from. No one should have to justify themselves or take a back seat. It should no longer be necessary to have debates in the future. It should simply no longer be an issue, but a matter of course.

I wish that every person can live their normal life.

Dear Torsten, thank you very much for YourStory!